Who Am I?

For most of my life, the voices I allowed to speak into my identity were the loudest, cruelest voices. I listened to my abusers tell me my worth was measured by what my body could do. I listened to my chronic illness tell me my worth was measured by what my body couldn't do. I listened to heartbreak and hardship telling me all the ways I wasn't enough. Change began in my life when I sought out the gentle, quiet voice of my Father, a voice that countered every lie I had been told for so, so long. This is my story.

My Story

The first time I had an encounter with the Lord I was hiding in a closet, my little girl hands folded in prayer, begging God for rescue. The man I was hiding from burst into the room and emphatically told me "We do not pray!" How had he known I was praying? It was then that the presence of the Spirit began making itself known in my life. From that day, I have cried, fought, and dissociated through a life of cruelty and loneliness. I survived familial sex trafficking, domestic violence, and cult abuse, only to find myself trapped in a body that did not feel like my own.

For so long, I felt that I had been dealt an unfair hand. I was born into a family that abused me and a body that struggles every day with health complications. I spent the majority of my life in a cult that perverted the Love of God and taught me that I was not His child and He could never love me. The world that I knew for most of my life was consumed with pain and darkness. My one way out, my one hope of rescue, was the God my abusers convinced me had forsaken me.

But God promises that He will never leave or forsake us, and, after years of healing, prayer, confusion, and anger at God, I healed enough to know that that included me, too. Giving God space in my life to heal me, shape me, and set me on the right path was the only thing that saved me and my willingness to engage in that is what got me to where I am today.

Thanks to the work I put in and a God who saves, I have been given the opportunity to work with government and law enforcement agencies, nonprofits, and advocates in anti-trafficking work. I have shared my story on committees, in small groups, and on stages. I have spoken to lobbyists and advocates in Washington D.C. and to teenagers in church youth groups alike. There is part of my story that God can use to touch any heart and He has gifted me the voice that allows Him to work through me.

My story is still being written and I can't wait to share what God does next.